So this is how it will work…

See, I’ve never been been big on writing things like this. There’s been this explanation post on almost every blog I’ve started. Technically that was only two this being the second, but I restarted one of them more than twice. Months without saying anything and I felt like I had to.

It seemed like this is what this was turning into, but I don’t want this to be a filler post. Something so things don’t get to that point. No this is something more and it’s something.

Today was a day when I was finally starting to fee again. Feel so much more than I had in the past few days. I hit one of my lowest points earliar this week. I really do think it is as low and horrible as I’ve felt in a long time. Everything hit me all at once.

Everything.

I was down anyway. I feel down from time to time just like everyone does. I do. It’s just a matter of fact and there is nothing that I can do to change that. I was missing Cain. More than the everyday stuff, but I don’t think it was really more than normal. Everything was just added on top of that.

I had class to worry about. A presentation that I had no idea of what to do. Something I could barely understand with my mind being at the level of a gold fish and a stupid one at that. I was having everything pressed in my face. The face that he isn’t here. The fact that he isn’t here for me to be able to even hold hands with. Seeing random person number 5 with random person number 6 doesn’t bother me. Not really. It’s just a twinge. A small thing telling me thing telling me that my world isn’t prefect.

But I don’t know them. I can  be sure that their relationship has some sort of stupid problem that I’m happy to not have. But when it sits next to you with the kisses and the cuddling. It hurts and shoves it in your face. I’m more than happy for the both of them, but it still hurts. I know they are happy, and I’m glad for them, but sometimes it makes me want to learn how to teleport. I want see him.

Welcome to the subject of this blog. Me missing the Cain and some other things. So exciting.

~ by Justine on November 17, 2008.